


Behind closed door

by zuluempire



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/F, Married Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-12-12
Packaged: 2020-01-15 10:07:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 19,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18496735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zuluempire/pseuds/zuluempire
Summary: Clarke and Lexa have being married for a year, no one knows because Clarke doesn't want anyone to know. But now Lexa is getting tired of hiding.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't supposed to write this but I had because this story won't leave me alone. I don't even know were this is going because am supposed to start with my new ff for Legacies. 
> 
> Anyway I hope you guys will enjoy.

"We've being married for a year now, what is it that you waiting for!" Lexa yelled, angry and still confused why Clarke would still want to keep them a secrete. Clarke always said no to Lexa sharing her feelings in public. Even when they dated, not her family and certainly not her friends know that Lexa and her are a couple.

"Lexa please try to understand, this is hard for me too..." Clarke tried to defend herself even though the look in Lexa's eyes told her it was of no use, her wife was upset and felt like she was a dirty secret Clarke was hiding.

"Hard for you!!" She shouted, then took a breath out before grabbing her coat and started heading for the door. "I can't stay here."  Clarke follows behind her but avoids touching her well because she doesn't know how angry Lexa is and its best to stay away.

"Lexa just wait, give me a little time." Lexa turned back sharply, causing Clarke to flinch a little and take a step back. Lexa was now close to Clarke, Clarke could see the vain in her neck ready to pop.

"Little time? two years Clarke, you and I dated and you wanted to keep it a secret. We got married and still you wanted to keep it a secret. Conclusion three fucking


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's start from the beginning. I dropped a sneak peek last week so this is the full Chapter of that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys will love this as much as I enjoyed writing this Chapter. 
> 
> Enjoy...

Lexa is in Clarke's room, lying on her stomach naked while Clarke massagers her back also naked. It was really nice to have her like this quite and relaxed and exhausted from the welcome back sex they just had. Of course wanted to see her wife badly she didn't even go to her house, instead she came straight to the Griffin's house. She had texted Clarke on her way, giving her a heads up just in case someone was home other than Clarke. Yes Clarke still lives with her parents Abby and Jake because of the reasons known to only her. Lexa has asked Clarke to move in with her multiple times, even before they got married a year ago. Clarke prepared a nice rosy bath for Lexa and prepared herself in waiting for some juicy sex. Clarke had being so horny these past days that it started to show in her mood swings.

"There is a party coming up, work related but it's still a party. I was thinking I should take you, let everyone know that you're my wife." Lexa said in a calm wound tell her parents while Lexa was away. Clarke had called Lexa two days before and told her she was finally going to tell her parents, but what Lexa doesn't know is that Clarke's didn't tell her parents and is still not ready to let anyone know that she's married.

Lexa felt Clarke's hands slow down before they came to a stop and she moved off of Lexa's back. From the silence Lexa knew the answer but didn't want to jump to any conclusions before hearing Clarke's response so she just lay there without moving an inch. "Um....ah.....Lex, I didn't tell my parents and I don't think I want the world to know before they do."

Silence built in the air was so that you cut through it. Lexa got up and stared at Clarke for a second before she started dressing. Clarke did the same thing praying that Lexa was too mad. When Lexa was done she sat at the edge of the bed and locked her gaze on Clarke, her eyes were filled with sadness and annoyance. After a while Clarke broke the silence because the it was driving Clarke crazy. "Lex...am sorry, but we can still go to the party has friends." Lexa now glared at Clarke. Clarke knew she had just said the wrong words but she couldn't take it back or maybe she should try. Clarke placed a hand on Lexa and kissed her neck, which was a wrong move because Lexa was now fuming.

"Are you shitting me right now?" Lexa was on her feet. "We've being married for a year, what are you talking about friends?" Lexa yelled, angry and still confused after one year that Clarke didn't want anyone to know that they were married and she's calling them friends, this is a blow to Lexa's pride.

"Lexa please try to understand. This is hard for me too..." she tried to defend herself even though it was pointless.

"Hard for you!" she shouted, then took a heavy breath out before grabbing her coat and started to head out. "I can't stay here."

"Lex just wait, give me a little time." Lexa turned back sharply, causing Clarke to flinch a little and take a step back.

"Little time? two fucking years Clarke, that's how long we dated, one year, that's how long we have being married. And you fucking want time. No." before Lexa can add more the door opens and in comes Abby and Jake. Lexa sighs and turns with a forced smile to the intruders.

"Mr and Mrs. Griffin"

"Come on Lexa we've told you so many times to just call us Abby and Jake." what they don't know is that Lexa only calls them that when she's mad or has fought with Clarke. Speaking of Clarke, the woman just stood there, still in her world. "Anyway it's being long since you visited how have you being dear?" Abby added.

"I have being trying, I wish I could catch up but I was just leaving." Jake looked from his daughter to Lexa then he exchanged a look with Abby before stopping to kitchen.

"Oh, come on, we haven't seen you for months and you want to leave without dinner. Come on in and share your stories about all the countries you visited. you have grown so well, how's your girlfriend Costia?" Abby asked the last part in the kitchen. Lexa stared at Clarke for a while before following Abby in kitchen.

"She's fine but she isn't my girlfriend anymore." Lexa said camly

"Oh, I didn't know and yet I conceded myself has your second mother, Clarke why didn't you tell me."

"Um I forgot." She lied, what was she supposed to say that Lexa and Costia broke up because she couldn't keep her hands off of Lexa, making the girl fall for her and now she can't openly say that she loves the girl all because of her insecurities. It's not that she thinks her parents will not accept Lexa. No the two parents adore Lexa in and out and accept relationship goals.

"Well I hope you are happy, by the way is that a 64 outside." Jake changed the topic. He doesn't know what is going own but his sure they walked in on a serious matter. Clarke is always talkative around Lexa, always creating jokes but now she is just standing there like a tree about to grow roots.

"It's a 65. You should take it for a ride sometime." Clarke didn't miss the fact that Lexa avoided talking about their feelings.  "But honestly I have to leave, I just got back and am very tired. I promise to tell you all about it when we both free."

"Poor thing, very well I will keep your word. Clarke why don't you walk her out."

"No!" Lexa blurted out, the last thing she wanted was to have Clarke in the same space with her in private. "I mean there is no need after all Clarke might want to think and I wouldn't want her to lose her line of thoughts." Lexa said, glaring at Clarke. She couldn't help her anger from the building up.

Clarke knowing full well that this can escalate and her secrete could be out so she just nodded. Lexa smiled at Jake and Abby saying her goodbyes and glared at Clarke once more before she left the Griffin's house.

****

The next day Clarke wolked in Lexa's office wearing a Sunday coat over her. She locked the door behind her before approaching Lexa. Obviously Lexa must have cooled down by now and Clarke knew the recipe to warm her heart.

"Am sorry." Clarke said standing over Lexa who had being watching her with predator eyes since she walked in the office. Clarke pulled the ropes off the coat and Lexa just watched her carefully with Smokey eyes. Clarke was wearing nothing inside, she was absolutely naked just the way she was born.

"Clarke I have work to do." Lexa said with a little smirk on her face. Which made Clarke happy because Lexa was now starring between her legs. This was going has planned, she thought.

"Like what you see?" Clarke fully dropped her coat and Lexa crossed her leg. Suddenly her skirt felt too tight and uncomfortable. Lexa stood up, pulled Clarke closer to her, her hands trailing her body, she squeezed her breast, slid her hand down her navel, then down south and dripped her fingers over Clarke's wetness. Lexa kept her gaze locked on Clarke the entire time, watching her reaction.  She pressed Clarke's clit with her finger and Clarke let out a moan. Lexa withdrew from Clarke, dropped to her knees and Clarke closed her eyes thinking Lexa was going down her. Lexa got back up and started to put the coat back on Clarke's body. Once done she stood there for a second before taking a seat.

"Like I said, I have work to do." Lexa got even more angry than last night knowing that Clarke wanted to use sex to blow the issue away. "Clarke if you want to hide then I will, even in the shadows."

"Lexa..."

"No Clarke, I have had enough with your excuses. Always saying No. I can't even take you out and show you off to my family and friends. And don't blame your parents because we both know they are not the problem." Lexa sighs "Clarke do you even love me?"

Clarke moved to Lexa realizing how serious this is now. She placed a comforting hand on Lexa. "I do love you, please don't doubt that."

Lexa looked at her in disbelief "I know am pretty damn hot so it's not about my looks or anything like that right? why do you want us to be a secret? Lexa's voice sounded tired and Clarke just wanted to hold her.

"I don't know, but am going to tell them tonight." Lexa just looked at Clarke "Come by the house and when they retain I will tell them."

Lexa didn't respond, she just kissed her and kissed her hard. She wants to believe Clarke hundred percent but they have been in this boat before. The only thing she can do is hope Clarke goes through with her plan. Lexa is scared of the future now because she knows she's not going to continue to hide in this Road for long.

****

"Oh that's it baby...ah..." Clarke moaned has Lexa worked her magic fingers inside of her. Sucking her neck and biting it. Clarke couldn't even think of stopping Lexa right now she was gone in a mist. Her breathing couldn't hold, her back ached from the bed has Clarke tried to close her legs but Lexa tied her up really good and she couldn't close her legs, she was too sensitive. Clarke screamed out in pleasure and exhausted. She came and came. Lexa went back inside of Clarke so easy she could fit three fingers inside. She reached for her G-spot and worked it with everything she gat. Clarke had visible hickeys that would have to be explained to her innocent parents, who might think she was having a reaction or had a fight with someone. which by the way they were supposed to have dinner in an hour with her parents when they returned.

"Lex...ah...fuck!" Clarke came again, this time Lexa eased into it helping her calm down. She united Clarke and captured her lips in a hungry kiss. Clarke's limbs were like boiled noodles.

"I wish I had the entire day to fuck you and make love to you, by the way you were so loud today, I came just from your moans. You're so hot." Clarke chalked, her breathing was still rapid but pieces of her brain are coming together and she reached her bruised neck. Lexa smirked and headed for the bathroom. Clarke knew very way this was intentional, Lexa smirked and headed for the bathroom, Lexa wanted to mark her so that it could open the conversation with her parents and just tell them it was Lexa.     

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for reading, come back for more.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa meets up with an ex and Clarke is beyond jealous and furious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments and the Kudos. I hope you enjoy this chapter

Its being an hour since they had dinner and Clarke still hasn't brought it up. Lexa knows this Road and hoping on all hopes that Clarke does not get cold feet. Abby is really in a good mood but she can't understand why her daughter is wearing a scuff in the house not to add its summer.  "Clarke honey please take that off am getting hot just looking at you."

"Uh mom, I feel cold." Clarke says avoiding Lexa's eyes. Lexa walks over to Jake and they start talking about cars. Even though she's girly, she's also into Cars and other sporty stuff. Abby approaches Clarke with a disapproaval look that says "BULLSHIT"

"Don't be silly Clarke, take it off." She pulls the cloth away before Clarke's reflexes can hold the Scuff. Abby's eyes lands on Clarke's neck and there is an amused smile on her face. She gives Clarke the scuff back with a knowing look. "Are you dating and I don't know about it." Clarke shakes her head, then she nods in agreement. Maybe she will tell them finally.  "Well who is it, Are you back with Nyila?" Clarke nods once more in agreement, hating herself for it. Lexa will be so mad.

"We are not together together but yeah I did see her today."

"And she gave you that? Come on Clarke you two always do this thing, why can't you just commit to her."

"Mom this is not like that, it was just a one time thing."

"Yeah that's what you said last time till I caught you doing and know what to that girl upside down."

"Mom" Abby once caught them having sex and Clarke has never head the end of it. She can only hope Abby doesn't say anything in front of Lexa she knows the woman won't be happy about it . _What was I thinking, I could have just said it nothing and that am married to Lexa. damn Fuck!_

The two join the other in the living room with desert. Clarke hands Lexa hers without looking at her and she sits far away from Lexa as possible.  Lexa senses the situation before Clarke can tell her this won't happen. She finshes her desert, heads to kitchen and washes her plate before she calls. Anya.

"Anya! I can't do this anymore." She whispers, She feels like crying but that would be foolish of her if she does.

" **Lexa why are you whispering and why do you sound sad what happened?"** Anya asks not knowing why her sister would call her this late, well she does know but she would rather it came from Lexa herself. Her sister only calls this late when she has fought with Clarke.

"She was supposed to tell her parents and she didn't, am here right now at their house." Lexa sighs "What should I do, am tired of this"

" **I need you to relax, I mean you can't tell them its Clarke's parents."**

"I know that, I can't do this anymore."

 **"Lexa, what do you mean....you guys are married. You can't just break up you know that?"** Before Lexa can say anything she feels another presence behind her. When she turns its Clarke who looks like she heard What Lexa said.

"Anya I will have to call you back."

" **Don't do something stupid."** Lexa hangs up and turns to Clarke. She shakes her head and starts to walk out of the kitchen before Clarke tags her hand and Lexa stops with any reaction.

"You tired?" Clarke asks and Lexa just shrugged. "I was going to tell...."

"Clarke that's enough, am sure you panicked." With that said Lexa takes her leave and heads to the parents and starts to say her goodbye when Abby drops a bomb. It explodes right inside Lexa's brain and ends in her guts. 

"Thank you for dinner, I will take my leave now."

"I hope I see you at the game next Saturday." Jake gives Lexa a hug, she is like his second child and deep down he always wanted his daughter to be with someone like Lexa or Lexa herself. Maybe he should do something about it.

"Its always good to spend time with you sweetheart."

"I feel the same way Abby."

"Did you know that Clarke is back with Nyila?" Clarke is standing right behind Lexa when this question drops, Jake almost chokes on nothing, his team Lexa this is not news that he likes to here. Lexa's face goes from shocked to annoyed from zero to hundred real quick. "That's the face I had too, am telling you pump some sense into Clarke because its high time she commits to the girl instead of this roller-coaster."

"I didn't know, but I should leave. Thank you once more for dinner. Jake don't be late. " She fakes a smile and turns to leave.

"Good night Clarke, hey if you care about Nyila you will make it official." She says with stone cold eyes. Clarke opens her mouth to say something but closes it because what would she say. I panicked and slipped up a name that's not yours. The truth of the matter is that she saw an out and she took it, because she was not ready to tell her mother that she's married.

"Tell her baby!" Abby calls from the Sofa, supporting what Lexa just said.  Clarke heads to her room while Lexa heads outside. When the door closes, Clarke comes back down stairs running to the outside for Lexa, she knows she needs to make this right.

Lexa is about to open her car when she hears the bang of the door closing. Clarke runs to Lexa who doesn't even look bothered about the loud bang. She gets in her car and when she tries to close the door Clarke is holding onto it.

"Lexa please let's talk about this."

"Let's talk tomorrow,." she tries to close the door but Clarke won't let it go and Lexa loses it. "Would you let the fuck go!" She yells and Clarke swears she sees bullets coming of her eyes, she let's go and Lexa closes the door accelerating out the drive way like a crazy woman. _Please drive safe._

*****

Next morning Raven comes over to the Grinfin's house rushing to the living room and switching the TV while Abby and Jake are having breakfast. They just go back to eating once they see its Raven.

"Clarke you need to see this." Raven shouts she puts the channel she was looking for and a picture of Lexa is displayed on the screen Jake and Abby glue their eyes on the screen too after all its their girl Lexa.   

"This better be good Raven."

"Octavia told me last night she saw Lexa with Costia and I didn't believe her so I want to here it myself." Clarke takes a seat and hopes its just a rumor but then Octavia saw her that means they met last night with her still being mad at her, this is not good. A different picture pops up with Lexa in the club in a short tight Black dress. _So she went to change?_ Clarke thinks to herself, Lexa looked drunk and was having too much fan for an angry person. The next picture showed a certain girl whispering something to Lexa with her hand on Lexa's thigh and the other showed the two dancing, Clarke could see Costia's face very clear and her intention is what Clarke didn't like.

"So is Lexa back with Costia?" Abby asked. The last Picture showed the two leaving the Club hand in hand. Lexd was hiding her face in a snapback but everyone including Clarke knew who it was.

"Maybe she's back with her, will see who will be by her arm on Friday night." Raven said and Clarke grabbed her Car keys and rushed outside.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We find out Clarke's reason for not wanting anyone to know about her relationship with Lexa. And maybe she will tell someone about her feelings for Lexa. 
> 
>  
> 
> SMUT!! maybe....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for reading and the comments and Kudos. Am humbled, thank you.

"What I want is for you to get that damn reporter and  ban who ever else has the photos!" Lexa yelled. She was so annoyed at herself for being so stupid and letting things blow out of proportion. Yes she's angry with Clarke but letting the world think she's getting back with her ex  was not the plan.

Octavia hangs up the phone with a certain reporter she knows trying to figure out how to clean this up, she is Lexa's PR manager and friend but this side of Lexa is new to her and she doesn't understand why Lexa really want the photos of her and Costia to disappear, so what if people think that she's getting back with costia? The two of them are still friends after everything that went down, she wonders if there is something Lexa is hiding from her which is not good because she needs to everything about Lexa for her to do her job, even the dirty deeds which she knows but what could she be hiding. "Lexa I have my people looking on it will find the reporter."

"All you need to do is relax and let us do our job." Anya said. typing non stop on her PC. Echo walks in the living room and drops a suck of newspapers on the table. she's carrying also a heavy bag on her back and her shoulders. "There, all stores have run out of newspaper now. " She says trying to catch her breath has she drops to the floor.

"Thank you Echo. Octavia." Lexa calls her name in a pleading tone. Octavia thought this day would never come but for whatever reason she will get it done. After all she is good, no she's the best at her job.

"Don't worry Lexa I have this under control "

*****

Clarke is in Lexa's drive way and it is packed with cars. She can recognize Octavia's, Echo and Anya's but the rest are strange. _she brought her office, great just great, I will give her my piece of mind I don't care whose listening._ Clarke thinks to herself . She gets out of the car and walks to Lexa's house. When she opens the door Clarke sees people pacing around the place on the phone . There magazines and newspapers everywhere but she's too mad to care right now about the population in this room right now.

"Lexa!" Clarke calls while she heads to the living room. She finds Lexa talking to Octavia, she's in a Black sweat pant with only  a lacy bra. If Clarke was not upset she would have jumped on the girl but right now is not the time. "Lexa what the fuck where you doing with Costia?" She asks very angry.

Octavia blinked at her friend Clarke like she was a ghost. She couldn't believe her ears, why would Clarke care who Lexa parties with unless...Octavia stared at Lexa's expression and it looked a little sorry. She expected Lexa to clap back with sassy comment or something but instead she just stared at Clarke completely zoned out.

Anya got the queue and kicked everyone out "Lexa will let you how everything goes but don't worry yourself and take some rest." Anya looks at Clarke and nobs in her direction. Octavia stares down at Clarke till she leaves the room. Damnit now Octavia suspects something, just what I need. Clarke thinks. "Lexa, please tell me nothing happened between you two." Clarke pleaded.

Lexa just stood by the window for a few seconds before she moved towards her wife. They locked eyes and Clarke saw something in those eyes she never thought she would ever see. "Nothing happened. But..why do you care?" There eyes were still locked. Clarke felt like a knife cut through her chest.

"What the fuck does that mean? You up there dancing your ass to some girl and expect me to turn a blind eye?" She let out a doubtful laugh.

"Costia is not some girl." She says calmly

"I know that, why the fuck do you think am here. Its Costia the girl you once loved, the girl who still loves you that's why I care. Why would you even ask me that?" Her voice was shaking now with an increased tone.

"I was under the impression you didn't care." Lexa said with a shrug.

Clarke stared at Lexa for a second before she crossed into the room away from Lexa, creating a safe distance between them. Lexa just stood where she was with her hands placed behind her back. "Babe you know that's not true. Where is all this coming from?" Clarke was becoming afraid, her anger dying in her mouth. Lexa felt to be carrying a different energy.

"Clarke I appologize for what I did, it was inappropriate of me to allow such closeness to even happen. But you see Clarke you have proven to me time and time again that this is not what you really want."

Clarke shock her head and came closer to Lexa, what was the woman saying.."babe.." Clarke tries but Lexa cuts her off...

"I know you are upset about everything that happened with Costia last night, am sorry I will take care of the issue but please, I need to get some rest." Lexa turns and starts to walk up the stairs to her room with her head bowed down, rubbing her temples.

It takes a while for Clarke to leave the house. Outside Lexa's house Clarke sits in her car crying. She doesn't want to lose Lexa but this hurts so much. How can she tell Lexa the reason and not put her in danger. She is going to go mad if she doesn't tell someone about this . Clarke pulls out of the drive way and leaves. Lexa is standing at the window watching as the car disappears from her view.

****

Clarke is standing in her studio holding a death grip on her paint brush. She's being standing in the center of the room for half an hour and she still hasn't done anything constructive. The door opens and Octavia pops her head inside. "Clarke" Clarke turns her head to Octavia and drops her brush on the table. she cleans her hands and takes a  seat on her sofa. Octavia joins her and watches her friend pretend to smile.

"What's going on with you and Lexa? and don't tell me any bullshit." Clarke sighs and takes her friends hand.

"Am with Lexa."

"Oh shit, like for real y'all  have being dating and we didn't know, that's selfish. How long have you being hooking up?" Octavia asks excited, it's not like she didn't think about it but she also didn't have a reason to think like that either.

"Octavia we are married." Octavia's eyes are about to pop up. "Like for a year" Octavia blinks her eyes dramatically and sighs heavily.

"What the fuck are you saying?" with a fake angry face, she pulls her hand away from her and folds her hands together but her tiny smile gives her away. "You got married and you didn't think to tell me or invite me, that's just cold. But why doesn't anyone one know this? or does Abby and Jake know?"

"Nobody but you know and Lexa is mad at me."

"I don't understand anything but why is Lexa mad at you when she's the one who got her ass smacked by another girl."

"Am the reason why no one knows that we are a couple, Octavia its being three years, Lexa...fuck I think she'll break up with me, I told her I was going to tell mom and dad about us and I ended up telling mom that I hooked up with Nyilah and she got mad and she did something stupid and I got jealous and she's still mad, like really mad O, I have never seen her like this, I messed bad." Clarke says in one breath, tears rolling down her face and Octavia is on her knees whipping them tears off her face.

"Don't cry, tell me why don't you want anyone to know? are you ashamed of Lexa?" did she force you to get married or something"

"No, no, Lexa is a good person and I love her very much."

"Then why are you keeping her a secret?" Octavia is trying to understand her friend but its ridiculous that Clarke wants Lexa to be her secret no one wants to be kept in the closet for no reason.

"Remember when I went to Europe after I broke up with Finn? Octavia shakes her head. She remembers the time her friend disappeared for three years straight with only mysterious phone calls and Clarke saying how busy she was and that she will come back soon until soon became three years. When she returned Clarke was kind of different but she ignored all worries by her friends and family and focused on her Art. "When I was there, something happened."

"Clarke you're scaring me."

Clarke now crying "I was raped..." she breaks down in heavy tears and the only thing Octavia can do is hold her close. Raven lets out a gasp causing the two women to look up at the intruder.

"Clarke why wouldn't you tell us that?" Raven asks softly hugging her friend warmly

"Yeah you shouldn't have gone through that alone." Octavia adds.

"So from that I got pregnant, and that's why I didn't come back home because I kept the baby, her name is Madi." she rubs her tears, both her friends are shocked this is more than what they thought to here. "I don't know how Lexa will feel about this, am scared she would look at different and not accept Madi."

"Clarke why would you think that, Lexa is not like that. You said it yourself she is a good person." Octavia says.

"The person who raped me is Murphy and he threatened kill who ever I will be with. He....he...he said that if he can't have me then know one else can, guys am scared, I don't want to lose Lexa and I can't, I don't know what to do." 

"That pig, I knew he was an asshole but I didn't think he could do such a thing to you."  Raven says, angry and sad for her friend. "So where is the child?" Clarke smiles a little

"She's with Nyilah, I needed her close to me and far away from Murphy."

"But Clarke you need to tell Lexa, am sure she will understand, you lying to her will only make things worse."

"Yeah, I agree with O, Lexa is cool she needs to know, I would hate for you two to break up." Clarke just looks at her friends.

"I don't think can, if Murphy finds out he might kill Lexa and I can't live without."

"Clarke that guy is an ass, he will continue to control your life, he needs to be reported, that's what you need to do." Raven says.

Clarke shakes her head in disagreement. Hell no would she risk Lexa's life, if Lexa dies she dies and who will take care of Madi. That will not happen she will make sure of it. A secret can only be kept if less people know.

"Hey, we are there for you alright and please don't ever think you can't tell us anything." Ocatvia says. Raven nods in agreement and Clarke pulls her friends close, she wishes she could have told them sooner. It feels much better now.

****

Late that night, Clarke stands outside Lexa's window shivering in her fur coat. She has called Lexa twice since she came, she tries one last time  and Lexa picks up

" **Clarke it's 1am."**

"I know, babe I couldn't go to sleep knowing you mad at me." She said in her loving voice.

" **Am not, now can you go to bed."** Lexa sounded sleepy and Clarke found it so cute

"I can't am outside your window." Clarke hears Lexa moving in her bed. she sees the light turn on in the room and Lexa opens the window to find Clarke holding her self like a new born bird.

" **Clarke what are you doing outside? why didn't you come in?"** concern in her voice

"I didn't want to disturb you." She says, and Lexa smiles. Jeez she missed that husky voice. Lexa's smile disappears and gestures Clarke to come inside and she disappears from the window. Clarke rubs her hands tightly and heads inside.  

She goes straight to Lexa's room and finds Lexa in behind covering herself from head to toe. Lexa opens the covers from the other side and pats the bed for Clarke to join. When Clarke takes a step forward, Lexa nods her head in disagreement. "No clothes." Clarke blushes and starts to take off her clothes, with Lexa watching her every move. When Clarke is done, she cut walks to the bed and slides under the covers.   Lexa pulls her closer and buries herself on Clarke's neck and sniffs her while she wraps her hands over her waist. 

"Am sorry, I shouldn't have gone out with Costia." Lexa whispers. Clarke shivers from Lexa's breath on her neck. 

"Lexa, I love you please..."

"Shhh...not now." Lexa starts to kiss her neck and soon she is sucking on Clarke's neck biting that pulse point. Clarke's breathing starts to climax as Lexa moves her fingers on her torso, she nibs her ear lob and Clarke has her hands in Lexa's hair. She comes and kisses her long and hard, biting her lip. Lexa leaves her lips, kissing her chin down to her chest. She starts to suck on her breast hungrily, she looks at Clarke "I want you to cum in my mouth." Lexa goes down and Clarke lifs her hips up letting her feel her arousal..

"Oh...yeah...I...ah...need you." Lexa growls has she runs her fingers through Clarke's wet lips, she replaces her fingers with her tongue, sliding through Clarke. She is slow and Clarke is at the edge of insanity considering how turned on she is. Lexa hums at her second lick and she feels a death grip on her legs has Lexa widens them even more.  Lexa licks her tongue on her hard active clit.  Clarke backs off the bed in sensation. "ah...yesss...that feels...ah...so god" Clarke starts chanting.

She can feel her orgasm quicken has Lexa increases her pace, sucking and licking on her clit hard. Lexa pushes in two fingers while swirling her tongue all over her clit like she's mopping a wet floor. When her fingers curl up, Lexa sucks harder on her clit while wildly flicking it with her magic tongue, which pushes Clarke over the edge, screaming her wife's name. Clarke feels her orgasm finally kick in, she tries to close her legs but Lexa has her spread like a gymnastic person. Lexa didn't show any signs of stopping until Clarke's screams became sloppy and she pulled out and gave her clit one last kiss before coming back up. Clarke pulls her in for a kiss, tasting herself on her wife's lips.

"Now can you go to sleep." Lexa says with a smug.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some more angst in this chapter. They took a step forward and now its five steps back. Also a major decision is about to happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the delay in updating the next chapter. Life has being a little crazy.  
> Hope you guys will enjoy this chapter!!  
> Thank you.

Lexa and Clarke were curled up in bed doing nothing but taking in the small breaths that each took. Heart beating at a steady pace and the warmth that surrounded their room to their bodies.

Days are becoming difficult between the two of them but one thing clear is their love for each other. Can that be enough? 

A loud buzz filled the room, disturbing the peace in the room. It was Clark's phone. She ignored the intruding device in this moment of bliss with her wife but the phone kept buzzing. 

"Are you not going to get that?" Lexa asked, a little irritated by the annoying sound. Clarke got off the bed and pulled out her phone which was dropped on the floor with her clothes. When she saw who it was, Clarke closed her eyes and sighed heavily before putting her phone on silent. She turned around and placed the phone on the night stand. "Its mom, I think she's worried where I could be." She said has she crawled towards Lexa who had her arms open.

"Can I take you out tomorrow?" Lexa wanted to get their lives back on track. All this arguing was starting to tire her apart. They need to get back that spark they used to have and a date was the right step.

Clarke smiled and placed a light kiss on her lips. "I would love that." 

"Yeah?"

"I think we need something like that. So, yes Lexa I will be happy to go out with you." Lexa gave her a promising smile and buried her face in the crock of her neck.

"At some point we will need to talk, like really talk." When Clarke's smile dropped. Lexa looked her in the eyes and kissed her forehead.

"What's the most important thing in a relationship?"

"Communication"

"Exactly, now let's get some rest, tomorrow you are all mine."  She pulled Clarke in closer just held her their. "I love you." Clarke was already asleep has Lexa stared into the darkness.

****

There was an annoying vibration in the room. Lexa stretched her hand and met an empty bed by her side. She jerked awake and to the bathroom. When she saw Clarke's clothes on the floor, she smiled and proceeded to do her morning routine.

When Lexa came back from the bathroom she heard the vibration once more. She walked towards the night stand and picked up Clarke's phone just in time to see another message on top of the other 23 text she had.

**Nyilah,07:46am**

_Clarke where the fuck are you? I need you home right this moment,_

Lexa frowned at the text and another popped up. Which got her attaintion 

**Nyilah 07: 47am**

_Clarke get your ass hear. You know the importance of my calls._

Lexa looked at the text once more before placing the phone back and headed to the kitchen.

She stood by the kitchen door and watched her wife go about the kitchen making breakfast for them. She tip toed to Clarke and placed her hands around her waist.

"I forgot how beautiful you look in the morning." 

"Hmm"

"Your phone kept vibrating... You should go check it, I'll finish up." Clarke turned around and walked to the bedroom. The smile Lexa was faking dropped and she made herself a bitter ass coffee.

After a few minutes Clarke came back to the kitchen all dressed up with her phone cluntched  by her side.

"You leaving already?" Lexa fend disappointment 

"Uh..mom needs something... Its really important."

"Its alright..it must be serious if she kept calling from last not night." Emphasis on the word night

"Really?  you're not mad?" Clarke was shocked. She was sure that Lexa was going to lush out for cancelling on her again. 

"Why would I be mad, your its your mother right." There was something about her statement that she didn't really get. Clarke moved over to Lexa and placed a hug on her.

"Am sure its nothing serious, I will make it in time for dinner." She hoped it was nothing serious. She called Nyila back and the girl was panicking saying that Madi was unwell. 

Clarke kissed Lexa and rushed out of the house. 

"How many more lies Clarke?" She said to no one.

***

Clarke opened the door and rushed inside Nyilah's house. She went straight to Madi's room. Things are starting to become complicated, its not like she wanted to lie to Lexa. Things are becoming a mess  and she didn't know how to fix it.

"Madi? Mommy is here." She called out has she opened the room. Nyilah was sitting on the pink soaf in the room, reading a book. 

"Sorry how is she?"

Nyilah placed the book aside and joined Clarke by the bedside. "Bellamy gave her something to help her sleep. She was up all night, gave me quite a scare." 

Clarke placed her hand over Madi's forehead with an additional kiss. "Am glade you called him." 

"He gave some medication, said we should watch her closely for any changes luckily positive ones but if her condition gets worse over the day or night, we should bring her in immediately." She placed a hand on Clarke's shoulder. "Its going to be alright." 

"Now I understand what mom meant when she said I used to give her a death scare. I should have being with her last night. Am I a bad mother?" 

Tears poured down her face has Nyilah pulled her in for a hug. "You are a good mother.yes you miss a couple of moments good or bad but so does every mother."

Clarke pulled her friend in closer. One of the things she loved about her was her honesty which was pure as Gold. Nyilah pulled her to the kitchen, made her a cup of coffee and they just sat there.

This was also trait of their friendship. They can sit in a comfortable silence, drinking coffee or reading their individual books without making it awkward.

"Tell about the night." Clarke saidsaid sipping her coffee.

"She complained about her head, gave her some painkillers but the pain didn't seem to go away. She cried a lot and called for youyou till she fell asleep in the early mornings." Nyilah got up and started to make pancakes for them. Knowing Madi, she would be over the moon the delicious pancakes her Aunt likes to make.

Clarke rubbed her temples in frustration. "I can't believe it.....w_what if..."

"No, don't you dare say that. You weren't able to come and that's that. Now we focus on the NOW."

"I just can't help but wonder how everything would have being easy if i just told the truth. All these lies are beginning to rust away making it difficult to clean up." 

"Your lies are going to far. Madi is growing so is your wife's temper and patience." 

Clarke raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?" 

Nyilah sighed. "My friend...you know what I mean. Lexa is not stupid, how long do you think she'll keep pretending to not know that you're lying to her." 

Her statement cut through her core. She knew this but hearing it out loud was a curse in a prom dress. What she was doing was wrong and unfair.

***

Its being ten hours:

Clarke walked Nyilah out of the door telling her she needed to relax and that she has done so much for Clarke. They stood in the door way with Clarke pushing Nyilah out. The woman instead on staying and helping out but Clarke couldn't take that.

"Are you sure?" Nyilah asked.

Clarke pulled her in for a hug "I am, please go have. Am crushing your life because of my secrets."

"Hey, we have covered this, you and Madi are not a bother am her Aunt you ass." they both laughed and Nyilah pulled away. She rushed to her car and waved goodbye before disappearing from Clarke's sight. Calmly Clarke turned and walked inside and closed the door behind her. She needed to call Lexa and cancel their date.

****

Outside the house. A Black car was parked at a distance not be seen. the back window was halfway dropped. and Lexa sat in there with her head in her hand. she had decided to have Clarke follow and when she got the address, Lexa drove there to see what her wife is up to. Seeing them interact outside killed Lexa in so many different shapes of broken heart.

her phone rang loudly in the car breaking her out of her sobs. it was Clarke. She cleared her throat and answered the phone.

" _hello Lexa."_

" _Clarke, how is everything with your mom?"_

_"that's why I called. it looks like its very important. i can't leave now. Lexa am really sorry i don't think tonight will work."_

_"it's alright, it must be important for you to cancel."_

_"yeah. you are not mad?"_

_"its your mom, why would i be mad?"_

_\---_

_"Clarke let's talk later, i need to go."_

Before Clarke can respond the line was dead. Lexa couldn't hold her tears any longer. she cried so hard Gustus didn't have to be told to head home. he just started driving.

They have known each other for a long time for everything to end like this. Even before they started dating, Clarke and Lexa where close and built their relationship on trust and loyalty. This all situation was a mess but most importantly Lexa didn't know why Clarke would choose to break her heart like this. They always said, if the other chose to leave the relationship. That person should tell the other instead of cheating and creating lies which is what Clarke has being doing to Lexa.

At this point Lexa felt like a fucking puppet being tossed aside by her master after using her in every way possible.

When they got home. Lexa didn't even have the energy to step out of the car. Gustus had to lift her all the way to her room and placed her on her bed before he walked out of the room and called Anya.

****

**A WEEK LATER**

A week, that's how long Clarke has being trying to reach Lexa. Clarke was sure she didn't do anything wrong. Well apart from lying, but Lexa didn't know that so she didn't understand why the silent treatment. Anyway Clark used this time to come clean and tell Lexa the truth. She was sure that the woman will be extreamly mad but at least it will be the truth and then later she can go and introduce Madi to her grandparents. 

After deliberating the probability of the call she was about to make, Clarke eventually called Octavia. She really didn't want to ask her friend even though she knows Octavia works with Lexa and must definitely know Lexa's movements.

It was funny how Octavia boned with Madi so quick during the week. She finally brought Raven and Octavia over to see Madi and the reaction from her two best friends was priceless. Would this be Lexa'a reaction? then again she wasn't married to her best friends.

Enough thinking. Clarke finally made the call and at one ring, Octavia picked up the phone. Not strange given that the  she's ever with her phone.

" _Talk to me Clarke, what can your girl do for you?"_

"Can't I call just to say hi?"

"Not at this hour, so what's going on?"

"Is Lexa in?"

"She just came in and I have to say, Lexa has being in a mood lately."

"What do you mean?"

"Haven't you seen her? Anyway she comes in late and leaves the office early. And she only wears sweats with slippers.  She walks in here like she's going on a vacation. It's a good thing she's the boss other wise she would be fired. So come in right now if you want to meet her because she's about to leave for Europe not sure where exactly yet."

"Uh, does she look sick?"

"No, like I said she's ever late and early to leave the building."

"Alright, bye talk to you later."

"Say hi to Madi."

When Clarke set the phone down she couldn't help but feel helpless. Was Lexa sick and not tell her, is that why she's not picking up my calls.

Oww she probably doesn't want me to worry.

Clarke rushed around the place getting changed and heading down to see Lexa. She needed to see how she was doing and tell her about Madi and Europe.

****

Clarke opens the door to Lexa's office and finds Lexa napping on the Sofa. She walks quietly to her and places a hand on her forehead. Lexa shot up at the sudden contact. She eyed Clarke closely before she sat up and rubbed her eyes.

Clarke smiled down at her before joining her on the sofa. "I came to check on you, you don't look so good"

"Am alright, I was just resting." 

_At the office? yah you could have fooled me. anyway I still need to tell her._

Clarke placed a hand on Lexa's back and immediately Lexa stood up and walked to her desk. She started opening the drawers looking for something for a second while Clarke watched her movements, trying to wonder what she did wrong now.

a loud smack brought her back to reality. Lexa found what she was looking for and dropped them on the table in front of Clarke.

"Read then sign" Lexa said in a firm but hard voice. She walked back to her desk and sat in her chair.

 **DIVORCE PAPERS, DIVORCE, DIVORCE, DIVORCE**  .

The word kept swimming in cycles in Clarke's face. She couldn't even read forward. Lexa handed her divorce papers and asked her to sign.

"You w..want..a...divorce?" Her words cracked in her mouth and felt bitter on her tongue.

Lexa didn't respond or react to her she just stared at the empty space.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading.  
> Also a huge shout out to Holmes90 you literary make my days.
> 
> Ding Dong!! Anyone order Decision masala with heart breaking source.
> 
> Hope you guys will enjoy this.

"Lexa let's not rationalize this and just talk this through."

The papers were still glued to her hand

"There is nothing to say, you can take that home with you. If there is a need for additions or subtractions you can contact Titus and Anya, i don't have the all day."

Her voice was strong, firm and icy. Which was confusing Clarke. Was she mad or not?

"How_why this decision?"

"Like i said before, READ!"

The burst of her anger made Clarke jump a little

"The least you owe me is an explanation." Lexa burst out laughing

"You are funny. I owe you an explanation? Am i the one with secrets to tell, am i the one lying jist so you can spend time with Nyilah? Am i the one ashemed to be seen in public with me? Am i the one pulling out of this relationship? Am i the one building our relationship on lies?

Clarke runs a hand through her hair.

_i can save us right? There is still time. I just need to come clean._

"At least let me explain." Lexa scoffed "please, I will accept your decision after."

"My decision is starring at you. But i'll let you explain because i would like to be given a second chance if i where in your shoes."

"Am not ditching you to see Nyilah." Lexa just relaxes in her seat. Obviously waiting for Clarke to continue. "Nyilah has being helping me with something..someone."

"Do you remember the last time i was in Europe?" Lexa does not respond so Clarke just continues and explains everything that happened to her and how she found out she was pregnant and kept the baby away from everyone.

Lexa was on her feet, keeping a very good distance away from Clarke but also wanting to hold her.

It was devastating and no woman deserves to be treated in that way no matter how sour the story became at some moments. She wanted Clarke to have all the time in the world right now because she still needed to understand something. Why?

Clarke explained everything to the recent events. Her deciding to tell her friends and Madi meeting her friends and was going to meet her grandparents today.

"Madi is a nice name."  Lexa said in a small voice. Clarke would have missed it if she wasn't looking out for every reaction on Lexa's face.

"I never meant to keep her or us a secret. I was just afraid of what Murphy would do if he finds out that am happy with you and if he finds out Madi is his daughter. I didn't want to risk it. I also didn't know if you would accept Madi or not"

She watched has Lexa's face turned to disgust. "Are you fucking with me right now?"

"Lexa you once said you didn't want kids." And she saw her mistake right there but the words were out of her mouth and into Lexa's ear.

"No, you're not going to use what I said at 17 as a fucking excuse for keeping the child as a secret from your fucking wife. Was our marriage a fucking trashcan to you coz you sure threw in a lot of garbage in it."

"That is not true?"

"And what is? That you trust Nyilah over your wife?"

"You know that is not true. I was afraid of everyone's reaction."

This shit was going left and fast.

"But am not everyone. I was supposed to be your wife. You didn't trust me enough to let me protect you. Trust, loyalty and honesty are what you couldn't give me, instead you fucking flashed them down the toilet. Am happy that you are a good mother to that child because she is innocent in all this."

"Am sorry Lexa , I did what was best for us. I didn't want anything to happen to you." Sobbing "I was scared"

"Well you clearly didn't need me then, what's different today?"

"I just need you to understand_"

Lexa cuts her off. "I do understand. Now I want you to understand that you broke our trust, you Clarke Griffin didn't have faith in me, now we can't turn back time. What's done is done."

_how can I lose her? No am not signing this damn thing. Maybe I should give some time because right now she is angry_

Sensing Clarke's hesitation. "And you better sign those papers. Maybe for once you can actually do the right thing in this relationship."

The door opens and Octavia walks in the thick tension that can't be digested or cut with a sew. She clears her throat looks at Clarke who has tears in her eyes.

She wants to rush over to Clarke but she also needs to do her work. With the way things have being goinggoing, she wouldn't want to be on Lexa's bad side.

Plus she also knows when to intervene. And right now isn't the time or place.

"Lexa, the Car taking you to the airport is here."

Thank you Octavia . i'll be right there."

Octavia looks at Clarke one more time. The woman is frozen in her place its like she's not even here. Quickly Octavia walked out of the office, closing the door firmly like it would break.

Lexa moved about the room picking up documents that she needed and started to walk out of the door. She was stopped in her trucks by Clarkes strong grip on her foreforearm.

"When will you be back?"

"I don't know."

"You're not going for a business, are you?"

When Lexa didn't respond Clarke pulled her in for a hug. The tears that she managed to hold for a few seconds poured down down her Cheeks rapidly after noticing Lexa didn't hug back. 

"Am sorry." She whispered in Clarke's ear before pulling away and walked out of the office.

Everything seemd to be in some kind of slow motion to Clarke. How she got on her knees crying mercilessly and Octavia wrapping her hand over her.

She kept wandering how long she as being on the floor before Octavia came back.

****

A WEEK LATER

"I still can't belive you two were married." Abby said

"Abby?"

"Am just saying have you made up your mind?"

"Whatever decision you make. Just know we are here for you." Jake added

Everything was still frash but thethey also kept it PG13 with Madi being around.

A knock at the door interrupting the family moment. Madi rushed to open the door . "Hey little one, you must be Madi."

"Yes but I don't know you."

"That's because am ever busy. Am Raven's friend and your mom's too."

The kid was now excited. It was refrashing meeting her mom's friends. Though she enjoyed Octavia more.

"Do you know Octavia?"

"I work with her."

Before she could say something else. Clarke had to jump in and get right to business though she was shocked that Titus wasn't with her.

"Madi please go to your room, we have something to discuss.." 

The kid waved at Anya has she rushed to her room upstairs. 

Anya said hi to everyone as she took a seat.

"Where is Titus?" Clarke asked.

Anya hesitated to answer. "Uh Lexa sent for him. So its just me. Are you ready?"

Abby placed a hand on Clarkes shoulder and rubbed small cycles.

"How is she?"

The room fell silent apart from the air cone in the room. The three exchanged a look of uncertainty.

"I have not seen her." It was the only thing Anya could say. Than oh she looks like a Zombie in the walking dead and has lost weight. 

Clarke nodded her head and picked up the pen to sign the papers.

"Did you read?" Anya asked not only because Lexa asked her to make sure Clarke reads the document but because if she did. Clarke wouldn't sign that paper.

"I trust her."

"Clarke its not about trust. Maybe you should read before signing.?" 

Clarke grabbed the papers and signed. Anya handed her another copy she came with aready signed by Lexa.

Clarke signed it to and a she felt a sharp pen inside het. Anya went through everything with her and it was finally over. Clarke wad nolonger mrs woods. That's right she got her name.

Anya said her goodbyes. "I'll leave the other copy with you. Hope you can read it." 

Abby and jake frowned. Anya emphasised a lot on READING the damn divorce papers. 

What could be in it that's so important.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me for any errors I was using my phone for this chapter.  
> Thank you once more.
> 
> Enjoy!!!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Costia makes an appearance and we get a tiny juice about Lexa and Costia's relationship.  
> Let's reminisce a little shall we.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading.  
> And for my grammatical errors i do apologize. English is my second language,i am just leaning everyday as i go on in life but i will try my best.  
> Thank you once more. Enjoy!!

**A MONTH LATER**

"I still need you to keep an eye on the inside of things." Lexa said, scanning through John Murphy's files.

She had being searching for the guy just to make sure he wasn't following Clarke around. When she found out he was locked up for gun porsation and sexual assault, Lexa was somehow relived that he was near Clarke and maybe just maybe he had forgotten about Clarke.

"I have some people in the inside taking care of that." Anya responded.

While talking about everything through the files. A drop of blood dripped on the paper Lexa was holding from her nose. It was hard for Anya to see her like this, her stubbornness really makes an appearance in these cases. She stood up, grabbed some tissues and handed them to Lexa.

"Have you seen your Doctor?" she asked, her voice cracking more than she wanted.

"No need, am fine."

"You're bleeding through your nose for the sixth time. That's not FINE!" 

There times when Anya had to act strong but seeing Lexa like this was heart breaking. She knows why Lexa hates Hospitals and everything that comes with it but still. She needed to put more effort than she is putting.

"Relax, it's just the side effects of the medication am on." 

It wasn't just the nose bleed. Lately she has being feeling abnormal fatigue. But she wasn't about to tell that to Anya because the woman would drag her to the hospital by her legs if she had too.

"Lexa.."

"Don't say it." she said, getting up from the chair and pacing around the room. "Dad fought cancer tooth and nail like a strong worrier he was for a years and years. You saw what it did to him. After everything he went through it still took him and now you want me to do the same? No, i will go to my check ups, take my medication on time, eat healthy but am not doing any more than that."

Stubborn as a Mule. Anya knew this conversation was like beating a dead horse. It's better left for another day.

****

"Madi are you ready ?" Clarke called from down stairs. Tonight was her first exhibition since Lexa left. This exhibition meant starting a new page without Lexa. After many tries of calling Lexa, Clarke was starting to accept reality that maybe Lexa will never come back and this is how their story ends.   

"Am almost done mom!" Madi replied. A knock at the door then it opened letting Abby and Jake in.

Clarke had finally moved out of the house only because. her room kept reminding her of Lexa. There was always a piece  of Lexa in the room.  Abby and Jake's picture of the and Lexa. They tired to move around things but there was always that which they left behind. Like the picture of her and Lexa at the food carnival. Madi kept asking questions and it was all too much for Clarke. And that's how she found herself across town.

"Mom, Dad i thought i would meet you at the event" Clarke said hugging each of them.

"Well we thought if we go together and make memories with Madi it would be amazing or is it not?" Jake carefully said the last four words.

They all knew how important tonight was for Clarke. And even if they didn't know the full story between their daughter and the woman they consider their daughter's relationship they can have a pretty good guess about how Clarke was feeling.  And it has to be shitty.

***

"Congratulations Clarke!" Raven and Octavia yelled at the same time when they got her alone.

So for the night has being going well. her paintings are raw and dark has attracted a lot of buzz.

"Thanks you guys, it actually mean a lot to me that you came."

"Where else would will be?" Raven asked with a mischievous smirk. 

"You know what, comment reserved." Clarke added "Where is Anya?" Raven looked over her shoulder and sipped on her wine.

"She was around. She keeps talking on the phone and each time the phone rings she'll find a private place to talk." Jealousy in her voice.

"Don't worry she's not sleeping with anyone but you. it's just probably Le..." Octavia looked like a fly landed in her mouth. This was the awkwardness she hates.

"It's alright O. You can say what you wanted to say, i'll go look for Madi." When Clarke walked away. Raven punched Octavia on her arm. Scolding her for her loss mouth.

****

"You know what my friend calls strong, smart and kind kids like you?" Costia asked Madi. She had heard of the kid a while back because gossip pours like an angry falls in a River. Costia had to admit, kid made an impression. 

"What does she call them?" she was excited.

"Night-bleeder." 

Her brows came together in confusion. "What does that mean?"

"I don't know too but it symbolizes strength  from a unique soul just like you." 

Before Madi can respond, Clarke called her daughter. Madi turned over and smiled at her mother. Clarke's face read no expression. "Madi go to grandmother, she's looking for you." No she's not. Maybe she was being petty. 

"Alright, bye Costia. I hope i get to meet your friend one day." She ran off through the crowd. Costia smiled and waved at the little girl.   She was so energetic.  Clarke turned to leave but was stooped in her trucks by Costia's revelation.

"There was a time you and I talked for hours, and now here we are ." She gestured her hand dramatically.

"What happened to us?" Before Clarke could open her mouth. "It's a silly question I know but it's what i always ask myself. I mean i can't talk to the girls without feeling some type of way and they can't talk to me without feeling like they are betraying you in some way."

Sometimes Clarke felt guilty but it wasn't the reason she distanced herself from Costia.

"I didn't tell them to not talk to you." She said. Her voice just below a whisper.

"No, loyalty speaks volume. you know at first i was upset with you but then i was mad at myself for giving you room to flirt with Lexa."

Clarke looked away and saw Madi laughing with Abby. She smiled and turned back to Costia. It was time to do better.

"Am sorry."

"For getting with Lexa or for not telling me about your feelings for Lexa?"

This is the time she lies to save her ass or escape the harsh truth but she was starting a new chapter and lies...well we've been through that.

"For being selfish. destroying our friendship. I avoided you because i was insecure. You were once Lexa's everything, i couldn't shake that off my mind. i was stupid."

"Being insecure does not make you stupid, it just makes you human."

They walked to a far more private corner. Their conversation was just about to get deep.

"I let go of Lexa not because i was insecure. it was because i didn't want to suffocate her. Lexa never ever lied to me, even during your little subtle touches and glances. But when you became a plague in her thoughts i had to make a bad decision at the time which later turned into a good decision i ever made for both of us?"

Clarke looked at Costia with curiosity in her eyes. She didn't know Costia was in a relationship.

"Yes, i am in a relationship. I've managed to keep it under the raps, paparazzi can be mean sometimes."

Clarke nods, she didn't know what to say all along she thought Costia was single and very much ready to take back Lexa with open arms.

"Does she know?" The thought of saying Lexa's name loud and heavy on her tongue like a metal bar.

"She knows. When i first had my huge fight with Derrick that was the time she met him. She was the only one i could ran to." Costia let a laugh . "I remember sitting on her front porch begging her to open the door and just listen. Later she came out with two beers and a blanket for me. long story short short she helped me check in to a hotel later that night. She didn't want me spending the night or even entering the house because it would have been disrespectful towards you."

Yeah Lexa  was right not to tell Clarke because there is no way she would have understood if Costia had stayed over. Only the heavens no what she would have done and it's not pretty.

"See my story with Lexa is over, I love Derrick but Lexa is my only family and you know that."

Yes Clarke knew that. Not once did she stop to think about what Costia lost. There were like sisters to her, most especially Octavia.  The small girl was torn apart having too chose sides. But one thing not making sense was the Derrick and Lexa friendship.  When did she go from knowing her wife to not knowing her at all.

"Yeah, I felt the same way too. it was strange seeing the two of them together but with time I accepted it. Not everything is Gray Clarke.

"Sometimes I do miss us." Which is true. "I know Mom and Dad miss you  very much, they still do that thing you taught them."

"With baking flour?" Costia was smiling. Genuinely.

"Yeah that same one. You know the world is too small and life is too short to be holding on to petty drama bullshit all the time.

Costia shrugged. A waiter passed by and she took two glasses of wine.  Offering one to Clarke. She held out her glass. Clarke smiled, clicked her glass against Costia's and they both took a sip.

"Lexa loves you Clarke am guessing you do too. If not then I sacrificed my happiness and love for nothing. Don't let her slip off your hands."

"I wish you said that sooner." She took another sip. "Have you talked to her recently?" Curiosity was getting the best of her.

"No. But I know Derrick has and whatever they talk about is top secret."

Clarke wants to ask more questions but she reserved that for later.

"Let's go meet the girls am sure Octavia will be very excited."

After a few rounds of alcohol running through their bodies, the conversation became lighter and the chatter increased. Octavia was talking her lungs out. She was explaining to Costia her life in the past years she has being absence. Anya joined them after an hour later.  She was still texting on the phone every second.

Raven managed to get her attention by kissing her a not so chaste kiss but a 'I want to fuck you' kiss. Even that still didn't get enough of her attention. There was something off about her that didn't go unnoticed but no one dared to ask.

Madi seemed to be bonding well with Costia. it was heart warming to watch the two of them chatting.

****

Her feet finally landed on the cold wooden floor that day. The day was already ridiculously terrible. When her eyes opened that morning Lexa's body betrayed her in not doing the normal activity. Her limbs hurt, and not being able to move out of the bed was torcher. Her security Echo helped her with everything which was not an easy task for her.

When you are used to doing things for yourself it's difficult to allow someone else to come into your personal space and helping you with your basic needs.

Anya kept calling and texting every second of the hour.  She knows that Clarke is having her event and that she will need her friends and family. Anya needed to be by Raven's side and Raven needed to be by Clarke's side and.... okay I think you get it now.

So each time Anya would ask to fly over to Lexa's side, she would decline. Her voice was low husky from not talking for a long time but she did manage to keep Anya away for now.

Feeling like a vegetable got Lexa thinking. Maybe she should try and listen to her Doctor because if she dies, who will protect Clarke the way she should be protected. John Murphy might be in prison but he was no fly and his parole hearing is in a year from now.

"How are you feeling Miss Woods?" Echo was her new security Titus got her. She was pretty with strong features and a fit body. She was what Lexa calls a painting.

"For the last time, call me Lexa." When Lexa turned away from her she missed the blush creeping on Echo's face.

"Anya texted again. She'll be on the first flight tomorrow.." Echo helped Lexa with a few things without thinking. Lately she has become like a nurse towards Lexa. This was more than Security duty, this was much more than it looked.

Lexa balanced herself on Echo's shoulder for a few seconds before she walked on her own a few steps forward. Her phone went off and Echo handed it to her. Lexa starred at the phone for a long time until the line cut. Before she could hand it over back to Echo, her phone buzzed once more.  After ignoring all her calls, Lexa thought Clarke would never call her again.

Lexa finally answered the phone. She placed it by her ear without saying a word. She could hear movement from the other side but Clarke wasn't speaking. She dropped the phone and was about to hang up before she head her voice. That husky voice that she missed. Her tone sounded tipsy.

" _Lexa?....."_

No response from Lexa, she just brought to her ear and cleared her throat. Giving Clarke an assurance that she was listening.

 _"Lexa, um.....I don't even know what to say, I mean I know why I called but I don't know how to voice out my thoughts."_ Another silence. Echo could hear the woman's voice from the other side and wondered who it may be.

" _I miss you Lexa."_ A heavy breath inhaled then let go by Clarke. " _Lexa,..I..."_

" _Don't say it.'_ Lexa cut her off. Her voice was stern and icy. Clearly she was still angry with the situation at hand.  The tone in her voice shocked Lexa too. " _Thank you for calling Clarke. "_ She said much softer. " _And congratulations on your exhibition, I heard it was a success."_ With that said the line went dead. Lexa hanged up and handed the phone to Echo.

"What do we have for dinner?" Lexa asked, fake smiled has she slowly made her way out of the room.

"Rose prepared pasta and Greek salad." Echo responded. She doesn't know much about Lexa more than what she read online. And what she read is that the woman was single ever since her split from long time girlfriend Costia Banks, the famous bikini model/architecture and entrepreneur  . From what she gathered a few seconds ago, the other woman seemed to be in some type of relationship with Lexa.

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke finds out where Lexa is....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for the feedback and for reading. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Abby was helping Clarke look for her note book in her study. She has not unpacked her things so going through the boxes was something Abby did not sign up for when she decided to come visit her daughter. Madi is still in school so she can't leave without seeing her.

"Clarke have you read your divorce paper?" Abby asked carefully. She was holding the papers in her hand after pulling them out of the box.

"No mom. Now would you help me find the book?" Clarke was already frustrated about her missing book of ideas and creative analysis. She didn't need to add to her misery by talking about the DAMN divorce papers.

"Clarke, I know it must be hard but you need to see what's in them. Don't_"

"And how do you know? you and Dad are still happily married. Please mom, I really don't want to talk about this." The vain in her neck was now pulsing hard. It was going to burst if she kept moving at this rate.

"Your father and I have had our own problems, Clarke."

"Yeah? like what?" She was over the subject. "Mom you fight about groceries and dishes. What could be bigger than that?"

"Your father throwing divorce papers in my face. literarily."

Clarke stopped what she was doing and turned to face her mother. _What is this woman saying?_ She thought to herself. Clarke knows she doesn't have a hearing problem.

"We didn't tell you because we managed to save our marriage. You were only Ten at the time."

"How did I not know this?" Abby shock off the bad memories that were creeping on her.

"Apart from you being ten, I told you that I was travelling for some time and I called you everyday during that one year we were separated with your father."

"I take it you didn't sign?" It was a statement. Clarke knows that ever since she signed those papers she hasn't been able to sleep peacefully. Everyday without Lexa was a nightmare.

"No. But that's not why am telling you this." Clarke had a look of confusion in her eyes. Abby took her hands and sat her down on one of the seats around the table. "Honey. Couples fight but it's up to us to fight to keep that bond from breaking. We are only humans and we make mistakes and those who don't learn from them are fools. Clarke I didn't raise you to be a fool."

Clarke looked away. Tears in her eyes. All of a sudden she was emotional like a puppy, it was ridiculous. Every tear that she held back when sign those damn papers and when Lexa would hang up on her. Then Lexa's words rang in her mind ' _Don't say it.'_   those three simple words hurt a lot.

"How did you manage?" She was curious. Her parents seemed happy. Its hard to believe that they almost divorced when all they do is explore their love deeper.

"Lot's of talking. We didn't get back because of you Clarke. I mean we love you but you were not the problem and if we got back on the grounds of that excuse, we wouldn't be happy today. I needed to rebuild the trust that I broke with your father. I didn't sign the papers but I gave us time apart to analyze, reconcile and to ask ourselves what we really wanted."

Her heart was swollen with emotions. If only she had the balls to come out to her mother has a married woman maybe just maybe she wouldn't have been too foolish to act the why she acted and give Lexa what she wanted. She knows it was only for Lexa's protection but maybe she took the wrong steps.

"I know you trust Lexa. And I personally think that's a more reason for you to read these papers." Abby handed them to Clarke, who reluctantly took them from her mom. "Lexa is a Scorpio Clarke. You betrayed her trust, its not easy to let go of someone you love so don't give up on her." Maybe its a sign. Costia said it, now Abby is saying it. Abby smiled. Kissed Clarke on the forehead and left her to be alone for now. She needed it. "I will be in the kitchen."

Now face to face with her number one enemy. Reading the divorce papers menat facing her demons. The reality was more scary than watching walking in the cemetery alone at night.

Clarke sat comfortably and read the papers. Lexa was very generous. There were also photos of her and Niylah hugging or grocery shopping more than once. From the pictures she could see now why someone would think she was dating Niylah.

When she got to the end, Clarke had to sit up straight. There was a hand written note attached to it.

>                        " _So you decided to finally read._
> 
> _Clarke am upset with you. Am a ticking time bomb right now._
> 
> _Am sure there is a reason you prefer spending more time with Niylah than me,_
> 
> _but my imagination has become horrific by the issue because I am going crazy._
> 
> _My actions are derogated at this point. I do want to divorce you Clarke because_
> 
> _I feel that our marriage is a sham to you. It's like you're ashamed of me Clarke._
> 
> _All your little excuses over the years are nothing but silly and annoying because_
> 
> _You still think am stupid to fall for your lies Clarke. Anyway am in a dilemma right_
> 
> _now . I know I will regret this so I need you to be the Clarke that I used to know_
> 
> _and fight. I hope you stop me from this madness but am sure you will be too late_
> 
> _because of your stubborn antics._
> 
> _Clarke you have thrown my trust away, I don't think I could ever look at you the same_
> 
> _way. When I asked you on a date a few weeks back I wanted to tell you that I have_
> 
> _being diagnosed with Cancer and honestly I don't think I can fight both of you at the_
> 
> _same time. When you cancelled on me to attend to Niylah, honestly I was devastated._
> 
> _Clarke you are my kryptonite._
> 
>  
> 
> _I love you, Princess._
> 
> _Lexa Woods._

 

>  
> 
> To say that Clarke was shocked is the world's understatement. Lexa gave her an optimentum . But that's not what's important Lexa has cancer.
> 
> She didn't know when she started crying or when she got to the kitchen. Clarke stood there sobbing. She couldn't find the voice in her throat.
> 
> Abby turned and quickly walked over to her daughter. Clarke held her mother closer and cried shamelessly. Honestly Clarke can't remember when she cried like this. Maybe the time she was seven and her Dad took away her painting brushes because of bad behavior. They stood there until Clarke came down a little. Her ribcage felt small from the expansion of her heart. Then it clicked, she needed to talk to Anya.
> 
> Abby moved them to the living-room before their legs gave up on them.
> 
>  
> 
> *****
> 
> Clarke walked into Raven's apartment with a sad face. Her face was Red from crying. When Raven saw, she knew that it was bad and waited for Clarke to tell her than pushing her in this state.
> 
> "Raven where is Anya, she isn't at work." Clarke was out of breath and the words were breaking has she let them out.
> 
> "She is at the airport,"
> 
> "What time is her flight?" Raven eyed her sercpissously . "Raven?"
> 
> "She missed her morning flight so am guessing in hours' time." Clarke rushed back out side to her car. Raven stood in her spot puzzled. Anya was acting wired, now Clarke too. Raven could definitely smell something but couldn't say what.
> 
>  
> 
> *****
> 
> Anya sat in the waiting room starring down at the clock and wishing for it to move faster. This moring when she tried to leave. Raven didn't let because for some reason she is too curious for her own good. They started arguing and Anya had to make sure she doesn't leave with things so rusty.
> 
> Now she was hearing her name being called and she knows its not Raven. So who was the mad person that dared call her name in public. People started to look at because of course they know who she is.
> 
> When she saw Blond hair moving in the crowd, Anya thought _this girl gat some balls._ But her face read that _what the fuck are you calling me for._ She was proud but she hated getting attention on herself.
> 
> "Clarke."
> 
> "I know you're going to see Lexa so am coming with you."
> 
> "Okay." Anya said and sat back down waiting for her plain. Clarke thought it was too easy. Anya didn't even argue with her. She just sat down and gazed at the clock. Clarke joined her and let out a breath she was holding.
> 
> They sat like that until they got on the plain. Anya made small talk here and there but she kept to herself and her thoughts. It wasn't uncomfortable. They both needed the silence to collect their thoughts.
> 
>  
> 
> ****
> 
> Lexa was in a bath tub she drugged on the living-room. It was cold today. Snow has being falling since morning. The tub was huge to fit her body. It was her daily dose these days. to sit in till she felt cold. The water was heated coolly to keep her from shivering. It was something they she made with Echo. With the much time she has on her hands lately, Lexa sometimes makes stuff from whatever she can find. 
> 
> The Doctor told her to keep her mind busy. and in one week she needs to start her marathon treatment to getting better.
> 
> With the her headsets banging loud in her ears, Lexa did not here anyone walk in the living-room but after sometime she felt it. She thought it might be Echo. Rose is always in the Kitchen so she is out of the question.
> 
> "Echo, give me a few more minutes and i'll be out." Lexa spoke with her eyes closed.
> 
> Clarke could see the nakedness in the water. she didn't mean to stare but she was forced to do so. It has been so long since she saw this body and jeez. But then Green eyes shoot up at Blue and they both held their gaze till Lexa turned back. _Am I so sick am now seeing things._ Lexa thought. After a few second Lexa fully turned and stepped out of the water. Clarke followed the trail of water that ran through Lexa's body until a rob was thrown over the body.
> 
> "So you finally read them."
> 
> Clarke didn't know what to say or do. Lexa looked pale now that her eyes focused very well, She had bruise on her eyebrow that looked like she got it from a fall. It's being so long that they both didn't anticipate how they would feel if they ever saw each other again.
> 
> "I have missed you." Clarke let out. Lexa just eyed her closely.
> 
> This was going to be a long day.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The shadows are calling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and the feedback and kudos.  
> Hope you enjoy this one.

Lexa lead Clarke to the kitchen. She set the kettle on the stove and waited for the water to boil. They haven't said a word to each other ever since Clarke spoke those three words. She knew that she missed Clarke deeply. There hasn't being a day that went by that Lexa didn't think about Clarke, what she was doing, where she was and what she was wearing.

"I miss you too Clarke." Lexa finally said. She was looking everywhere but Clarke. Avoiding those beautiful Blue eyes . Lexa then noticed that Clarke was only wearing a tiny hoodie and she was from the outside. Then the thought clicked. Anya? Lexa excused herself and went outside. She found Anya chatting with Echo, obviously about her 'because they don't have anything better to talk about' was Lexa's thought.

Echo moved away from the two but close enough to see Lexa but not too near to hear what they were saying. Lexa looked upset, and after some chitchat her face relaxed later on and they both walked inside the house. 

Lexa returned in the kitchen and found Clarke exactly where she left her. She was playing with her fingers. A tell-tale that Clarke only does when she's nervous. Lexa quickly ignored the urge to touch Clarke's hands and busied herself with making two cups of tea. She didn't need to ask how Clarke took it because she already remembers how the woman likes her tea like the back of her hands. 

"Thank you!" Clarke said when Lexa handed her the cup. Lexa noded and joined Clarke on the stool next to her.

Clarke was surprised. She thought Lexa would want to create some distance between them but Lexa was being very kind and acting normal. Well the new normal between them. She thought by now, Lexa would be screaming her head out.

"Am guessing you came to talk about something." Lexa cleared the silence. Clarke turned to face her for a few seconds before staring at her cup.

"How are you? Like really how are you doing?" Lexa sipped her coffee like what Clarke was asking wasn't important.

Her lips pursed. Such nice, feminine lips. Clarke wished that kissing her wasn't on her list of 'hold-on's'.

"I am feeling okay, today." Which was true. The last days having been horrible.

"What type is it?" Lexa sighed, "honestly i don't have energy to talk about it. At least not now." She wasn't mad, Lexa just felt exhausted. Anya will want to talk to. She still hasn't told her mom and if Diyoza finds out, she won't hear the end of it. So what she's asking for is a little space from the subject. 

"How is your daughter?" Lexa finally asked. Everything just felt awkward . this convetsation their current proximity. Everything.

Clarke looked at Lexa in the eyes. Searching for something, anything .

Lexa's eyes were soft and sincere. "She is alright. She went from O being her favourite to Costia being her favourite anut."

Yeah Lexa had heard all about that. She has being in contact with Jake ever since he found out about their marriage. At first he was mad and gave Lexa an ear full, filled with emotional lecture because lets face it, Jake is like a secound father to her. She later told him about her illness and made him promise to not tell Clarke until she read the divorce papers. 

Jake had gushed about Madi a few times saying she had a strong spirit just like her. Its crazy if you ask Lexa how someone she has never met can have her personality. Even Costia mentioned it when Lexa was talking to Derrick. 

"That's good to hear." Silence . "Fuck this is so awkward and its time for my favourite tv show. Grays anatomy. You want to join?" Lexa sounded so excited and a little weight was lifted from Clarke  because she could agree, yes it was becoming awkward to breath normally.

"You watch tv now?" There was a tiny smile lingering on Clarle's lips. Lexa took their cups and placed them in the sink. Thats when she noticed Rosa was not in the kitchen, probably followed Anya to her room, the woman is extra obvious. She can only hope Anya has self control.

"I don't watch the television, only what's on it." Lexa had a huge smile it blinded Clarke from the main reason why she was here. Why was she here again? She clearly didn't think this through.

Lexa moved to the living-room with Clarke behind her . Clarke took this time to look at the house. Everything was locally man-made. Anya and Diyoza's pictures filled the walls then the center of the room was a large photo of her father. Lexa doesn't talk about him but she knows sometimes she misses him.

Lexa threw some logs in the burning fire that Clarke just noticed now. When the television was on, Lexa jumped on the couch like literary jumped. Covered herself up in a mini blanket and pointed for Clarke in the next chair. Clarke did as told. She too grabbed the blanket because it was cold in this place. She was comfortable until...

"Echo!" Lexa called. Echo was actually the one who introduced Lexa to the show. Saying she would love it. After Lexa's many refusal, she finally sat down and watched the show with Echo. Of course today Echo seems to be giving her room but Lexa doesn't want to stress and want's Echo to join her. And its not to make Clarke jealous no, that is not her. Echo and Lexa have being building their relationship over the days they have spent in this little town.

Echo comes in the room and finally takes a good look at the woman who came with Anya and matched right inside like a lunatic. She was pretty but blondes are not Echo's type. So Echo smiled at the woman and faced Lexa who was pointing at a chair. 

"Andrew just kissed Meredith." Lexa said, excitedly . Echo raised her eyebrows and then collected herself. 

"Well he finally got balls." Echo added while she sat down , her eyes met Clarke's and for sure she saw jealousy in them. Could this be the woman that called Lexa?" Echo thought.

Anya joined them all later. Rosa brought hot tea for everyone.

"This stupid show is not over?" Lexa threw a pillow at her.

"Its not stupid. Damb ass."

Clarke observed the carefree Lexa, has she smiled through her best moments of the show, Echo didn't say much but Clarke could tell she wanted too. Clarke almost wondered , almost. Because Echo seemed to enjoy it very much and from Lexa's view one can tell the two talk a lot about the show. But Clarke was focused on the Lexa and only her. Apart from her heavy eyes, pale skin, Clarke noticed she has losted weight.

Then the emotions took over her like a virus. Lexa seems to be taking this well, so she thinks. The possibility of Lexa dying was....no, no, she shock the thought off and opened her eyes to focus on the show has Lexa explained to her certain parts. Anya was texting on her phone. it all looked normal and distance in Clarke's eyes and their it happened.

Lexa's nose started to bleed. Echo saw the situation and rushed to go and get cotton wool. Clarke jumped on her feet, her mind over charged has she tried to help but Echo beat her to it. She helped Lexa hold her head back while she cleaned her nose and then handed the cotton wool at Lexa to finish the rest herself.

Anya avoided looking at Lexa in this condition, she could feel the tears trying to make their way down. She can't imagine how their mother will feel about this.

"Thank you Echo, Rosa!" Lexa called. she could feel Clarke's eyes on her and she did everything she could not to look knowing exactly what she will find in those light Blue crystal eyes.

Rosa came quickly. Lexa asked for cold water and it was brought to her later. After that moment the room was a little quite. The tension mainly coming from Clarke and Lexa's energy. There was a huge elephant in the room that was squeezing its entire body in. Echo gestured for Anya to join her and they left the two alone to talk.

"Is it that bad?" Lexa gave her a look. Which meant I don't want to talk about this but, a huge but was in the air.

"Why did you think that keeping your child from me was a good idea?" Lexa's eyes were still on the television. "I know you told me but I don't understand?"

"At the time I was thinking of protecting you."

"Right, So you thought Niylah was the best candidate to keep your child instead of your wife." It was a statement. And still Lexa's eyes were glued on the television. Clarke moved closer to Lexa like she couldn't even move any closer but didn't dare to touch her.

"Lexa that wasn't it. You came first, my intensions were....I went about it all wrong." Now she placed a hand on Lexa's thigh. "I was never ashamed of you, I let John get in my head but never once did I think less of you."

Lexa was staring at the hand on her thigh. She placed her hand over it and then moved Clarke's hand off her and let go her hand . Clarke was hurt but masked her face in disguise.

"How old is she?"

"She turns seven in a month" Clarke clears her throat. "Lexa....am sorry."

"You are sounding like a broken record and I don't want you to keep apologizing." she finally looked at Clarke, like really looked at her. "We grew apart, we are not seventeen anymore." She almost placed her hands over Clarke's cheeks, ALMOST. "We lost ourselves, I want to understand and get to know this Clarke. The single mother but I also need to know myself better because I thought I was strong enough to fight for us but now..."

Clarke heard loud and clear what Lexa was saying and was asking for. Their relationship is officially over. By the look of things I don't think there is coming back from this. Clarke had to remind herself not to give up knowing it was going to be difficult and probably rough. Lexa sounded convinced that this is over and maybe Clarke should accept that, after all she already signed the divorce papers. What next could be left? This was goodbye.

****

"Mommy!' Madi ran over to Clarke in the drive way. It was already dark when she arrived home. She had gotten on a plain back immediately after their talk. Clarke understaoon were she stood now in Lexa's life and honestly Lexa was right. They did lose themselves. Seeing Lexa again made her realize she didn't know her as much as she thought and that scared her.

Lexa was making sculptures out of wood she picks outside. Turning them into dream-houses or birdhouses. They where amazing she was shocked, and when Lexa explained how they work Clarke made a note to buy one for moral support but the really reason was to have a part of Lexa in her life.  The wood has her touch and her smell that Clarke misses so much.

"Hey you, I thought you will be sleeping by now." Clarke said, picking her up and tossing her in the air. Maybe Lexa was right, she was a mother first. But then she tried to separate that from being a wife. She made a decision to focus on herself and Madi from now on. "Oh, you are becoming heavy. Lets go inside am cold." Madi giggled because it was hot.

Clarke was freezing when her mind kicked back to reality. She punched herself in the face for ignoring Anya who tried to force her to buy herself something warm. Lexa lives in a freezer.  So on her way back she bought loads of warm stuff and everyone at the airport looked at her crazy. When Lexa finally talked about her health during her tour of the house and the art work. Clarke in tears, Lexa was trying to sound like its nothing but she knows that voice and it said that she was scared. She recalled what Lexa wrote in the note. _I can't fight the both of you at the same time._  Lexa has Carcinoma, which is practically Lung cancer. Clarke has heard about it and knows there is a possibility for it to spread to other organs of the body.

"Mama its not cold and grandma said I could wait for you." Clarke walked inside the house that night leaving her past right outside the door. It was time to open a new chapter.

****

At a distance, a tall slim man with a hoodie over his head. Smoking what looks like an old weed is watching Clake and Madi enter the house with an evil smirk. From what is left of the weed. It is clear his been here for a while now.

His knuckles look like he was just from hitting a block of bricks. His face, even through the moonlight looks a little pale and bony with little bruises over his left eyebrow. He looks like he has seen better days. And his body, there is no doubt it has taken several punches.

The man starts to walk away with a little excitement in his step. Whistling like those cowboy men on the ranch enjoying a ride on a horse during sunset.

I guess the past can creep into the light and turn off the lights in a blink of an eye.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bullets can be very dangerous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late updates. Thank you for reading, it warms my heart. ❤  
> Without any more delay...enjoy

(3years later)

"Do you ever think about her?" Asked Raven. The question was out of the Blue if you ask Clarke. 

The last time she saw Lexa, she was with Echo. Lexa had decided to retain six months ago and no one thought of warning Clarke in case she ran into her.

The situation was awkward to say the least. Clarke was with Bellamy having lunch at a five star restaurant when Lexa and Echo walked in. What caught her attaintion before she dropped her glass was Lexa's laugh.

The glass shattering against the floor is what caused Lexa to look her way and the smile faded right off her face before she left the place. Word on the street is that Lexa thought she was dating Bellamy.

"Sometimes." Raven raised her eyebrow. "Fine, most of the time."

"Am glad she is alright now, she really gave us a scare."

"I don't want to talk about it." She can still see Lexa on the bed not able to talk or walk without any help. In those moments, Clarke didn't see the millionaire business woman. She saw a daughter and a sister laying pale as a white sheet and small like a cheek. Fighting for her life. Diyoza and Anya took turns at the Hospital. Then came the night her heart stopped responding and was rushed to the ER. It was a long night. Clarke will never forget, Lexa almost gave up on her.

"I know, I just miss her."

****

"You said you had John watched." Lexa was exhausted.

"Yes ma'am, but...."

"John has been watching Clarke, so if you can't find him then maybe I should relive you from your duties." Thanks to Ali Lexa managed to truck John Murphy but the man was smart and managed to slip back into the shadows. 

He was the reason why Lexa decided to go back home. John was a blood sucking leech and his missing for a week now. 

"Sorry ma'am, I will find him."

"You're thinking too much." Echo's voice called from the other room. She was holding two glasses of juice.

"Is there a day i don't?"

She took the glasses from Echo and pulled her in. A lot has changed over the years, and so is there dynamic.

"You know were running late." Lexa eyed her lace panties and heels. "Get dressed." 

Echo rolled her eyes in a playful manner and walked out of the room swirling her hips.

****

Madi's shool was holding an event on 'raising cancer awareness among kids' the said kids also get to donate toys or anything they can to Children Hospitals.

"Mommy i hear will be having a special guestguest, so lets get inaide before there too many people for us to see her."

"Well lead the way sweetie." Clarke cheered in. Raven was already inside with her parents.

When inside. Clarkw spotted Octavia right away talking to the principal. The place was well decorated. Then she saw her legs. 

For sure Clarke knows those legs from anywhere. But what could she be doing here?

"Clarke!" Octavia called. Then walked towards the blonde she's being trying to call. "I have been trying to reach you, where did you throw your phone?"

"It's in my bag. I think still on silence. What are you doing here?"

"Auntie O!!" Madi jumped on Octavia. They shared a warm hug before Octavia spokw up.

"Lexa is here."

So they were her legs....

Clake stiffened just for a while 

"Who is Lexa?" Asked Madi.

"An old...." Clarked looked at Madi. She needed to be a good example. "She's the woman i was married too dear."

Madi opened her mouth. "You were married?"

"She was." Lexa joined in. Echo and Anya stood a little behind. "It is nice to finally meet you Madi" She gave a hand shake to the kid.

"Clarke. Where is Raven? Too many kids in this place. 

"But you love kids." Said Madi with a smile.

"No. I love a kid called Madi, now would you kindly show me my way around this place." 

Octavia joined them. Lexa smiled at Clarke and walked off with Echo.

The event went well. It was very educational and a huge success. Lexa and Clarke managed to tip toe around each other untill now. Alone in the bathroom.

"Its really good what you doing for those kids" Clarke voiced out. 

These past years have been a challange for Clarke. Not being able to do anything for her, ripped her apart. Now the woman she loves is well and kicking. So closer yet so far.

"Thank you. Madi is a smart kid."

"Yeah." Then it was silent again. "Lexa can we...can we just reset and stat over." Her eyes were hopeful.

"We should face our music in life." Clarke looks away, disappointed. "Am Lexa, whats' yours?"

Clarke smiled from ear to ear. "Clarke, Clarke Griffin."

They both smiled and for the first time in many years it felt like the old times.

*****

A tall slim man in what looks like an old borrowed Gray faded suite walks towards Madi. Who is standing at the food bar with other kids.

He scans the roon and sees Lexa and Clarke walking out of the bathroom laughing.

 "Hello there." He greets Madi in his charming sweet manipulative voice.

"Hi."

Something does not seat well with Madi. So she looks over her shoulder to look at her mom and Aunties. 

"Don't worry am part of the event crew and I just want to know if you and your family are donating something." 

Madi relaxes and the man pats his back  Thinking that was easy.

Madi points at Clarke as being her mother and adds that Lexa is an old friend of her mom . which she just found out tonight 

He nods his head and walks away observing the two lovebirds from afar until he can't take it any longer. 

Their laughs was making him nausea. So he started to take a walk towards them.

Three seconds can feel like a minute. Clarke had her back towards the man approaching. Lexa kept a close eye on him. Trying to figure out where she might have seen his face.

Madi rushed between Clarke and the man. And the light went on. It was John fucking Murphy.

John smirked before pulling out a pistole from his waist band.

Three seconds, Lexa pushed Madi out of the way. Grabed Clarke towards her and turned them around."his got a gun!!" She shouted. Bullets started flying in there direction.

They dropped to the floor. Lexa shilding Clarke and Madi. 

Echo threw herself at him. Punching his face hard. Honestly he was no match for Echo.

John kept laughing while Echo handcuffed him. He was truly a psychopath. Everyone was on the ground scared. Anya picked Madi up and handed her to Abby.

The little girl was in shock.

****

"Are you okay?" Lexa asked. Clarke was a little out of breath.

"I am, are you?" When she started touching Lexa to make sure she was okay. Her hand land on a wet spot. She pulled her hand back and it was Red. 

Lexa looked at Clarke's hand and gave her a weak smirk before her eyes started shutting down.

"No, no, no...Lexa? " Clarke moved from under Lexa and had her lay on her lap. "Anya! Someone call an ambulance."

"Lexa, baby please. Stay with me." Lexa was trying to keep her eyes opened but everything felt like shutting down. The noise, screams of children and Clarke's voice was starting to fade away.

"I have always..." Lexa started but started caughing blood. Anya rushed over. Checked the wounds. She was hit by two bullets. Abby joined in.trying to stop the bleeding before the ambulance got there.

Lexa's body started feeting . more blood gushed out of her mouth. In three seconds a lot changed. Lexa's body became still just has the mad team rushed over to her.

They checked her pulse and started reviving her heart. 

All it took was three seconds.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa falls into a coma.   
> Clarke might not get a chance to be by her side in this critical condition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry. Words can't explain how sorry I am.  
> Not to get into details but I let my emotions get to me, I let those emotions to dictate my writing and that is not good for me.  
> Today i found the complete story and i looked back and realized that i need to finish this, i owe it to myself.  
> I hated this story and i didn't want to continue, so i wrote out anything to close it down...  
> Am working on myself, so i will update the full chapter on friday after my last exam paper.  
> This is just a sneak peak.  
> To all those readers who took their time to follow this story, my apologize

Beep....Beep...Beeeesee

"We're losing her." A nurse says from the Doctor's side.

"Hang me another unit." The Doctor says. "She's losing a lot of blood."

The Doctors and nurses were doing the best they could. Lexa's body was white as snow. Any wrong move and Lexa might never walk again.

"Okay.....clear!" The Doctor calls, watching the monitor for a positive reaction.

 

 

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

The room is cold silent. Harsh breaths can be heard if you listen closely. Monitors beeping on and on. Muffled voices can be heard from the other side.

Lexa has been in surgery for three hours now. Nurses keeping running in and out of the room. No one is giving clear data about Lexa's condition.

Anya is wrapped in a corner all alone. Her eyes red from crying them out.

Next to her is Costia. She looks strong but anyone who knows her can tell she is annoyed and afraid.

Everyone else is just pacing around the room. The door opens and Anya quickly walks up to the doctor.

"Doctor how is my sister?"

The Doctor has a look in his eyes. The same look Clarke saw from her mother when she wanted to deliver bad news.

"We tried everything we could. Right now she is in a coma." The Doctor said calmly. 

"What do you mean?"

"It means the only thing we can do is pray for Lexa to fight."

Doctor passes his deepest regrets before heading to his other patients.

Abby and Jake were the first to leave.Anya remained standing facing the room. 

The Doctor told them they were preparing Lexa to be moved in ICU and family members will be called in.

"Anya?" Raven called. The woman was in a trance.

Costia, Octavia and Raven left too, leaving Anya, Clarke, and Echo.

***

After what seemed like twenty minutes, a nurse let them know they could see her.

Just when Anya and Clarke were about to enter Lexa's room. Quick foot steps rushed towards them.

"How dare you show your face here?" Diyoza hissed towards Clarke.

The woman was so angry. Clarke in her shocked state just stood there helpless, after all it is her fault.

"Mom?" Anya warned before looking appologeticall at Clarke.

"Don't mommy me, you that ever since she came into her Life Lexa become a fool." Diyoza stepped towards Clarke. "Leave and don't come this Hospital.

"Mom that's not necessary." Anya tried to defend Clarke. Her voice was tired.

"Then help her leave, or should I call security." 

Anya let out a breath knowing if Clarke stayed there would skin.

"Sorry." Clarke .murmured 

"My daughter lost millions because of you." 

Clarke was failing to understand the woman. Did she know they were once married? 

Those thoughts haunted her mind. She quietly left. Looking back. Echo was talking to Abby while Anya was inside the room.

I needed to sit this one what. Anya texted her saying she will let her know when Diyoza left.

***

A week later

Clarke has only seen Lexs once. Diyoza has been at the hospital 24/7

Everyday is a constant battle and she doesn't even know what she did to piss the woman off. For all she knows Diyoza has no knowledge about her relationship with Lexa.

Oh maybe she does, that would explain the attitude. 

"You've got 30min before mom gets back." Anya said to Clarke at the hospital entrance.

"Thank you, I still don't get what her problem is."

"Lexa would be happy to see you, and that's what matters." Anya walked away from Clarke before her mouth opened up to spill crap.

What about Echo? Clarke thought.

When Clarke got to Lexa's room, someone was already in there. She stood by the door when the words 'I love you' caught her attention.

She doesn't really know the voice but can place a good  guess on Echo.

She tried to walk away when her bag decided to get trapped around the door knob causing it to Jake a little.

Shit...

Shit...

Shit.  

"Clarke?" That voice called. 

Clarke was on the middle of half running and walking. This is what she didn't want.

Slowly Clarke turned to face Echo with a fake smile. 

"Hi."

"Am guessing you came to see Lexa." Echo said, not really asking.

"Huh..." Was she going to get mad, wait does she even know about my past?

"Then you should head inside." She moved to give Clarke a path inside. "Diyoza is out running errands. "

Is she helping me? Oh oh right she thinks am Lexa's friend. Clarke laughed at her thoughts.

"Try talking to her, the Doctor said it helps." Echo smiled at her and took off down the hall.

***

Inside Lexa's room.

Clarke just stood there like a creep spying on someone alseep. She didn't know what to say nor what to do. 

She checked her watch. Only five minutes before she gets to walk away from Lexa again. It seems it is becoming a habit these days.

With slow steps, Clarke moved towards Lexa and took her lifeless hand, kissing it slowly as tears began to run down her face.

"I never meant to hurt you." Clarke said in between sobs.

She carcassed Lexa's hand like is no tomorrow. The hand was still soft like she recalls but a little thinner and pale.

"Thank you for saving me and Madi. I wish she was ours you know. I wish I fought harder to keep you by my side. I wish....I...wish.. "

Silence. Her sobs and the beep of the monitor was the only sounds in the room.

A soft grip was felt through her bones. She couldn't have dreamt it because the said hand was holding her back, twitching it slowly.

When Clarke looked up she met a still sleeping Lexa but her hand flexed once more.

A light at the end of the tunnel

 


	13. Chapter 13

A week as passed and still nothing, no progress on Lexa's state. The Doctor had said that she showed positive progress, her body was responding well, however it changed nothing of Lexa's condition.

Fortunately for me though, Diyoza has being constantly travelling. I guess that is her way of keeping it together, making her mind busy. Because of this i get to visit Lexa everyday, telling her about Madi and our friends.

During that time, i share stories of our first kiss, the first time i started flirting with her. How we met for the first time. At the time i was ten years old. Basically we ran into each other at a park, literary.

Honestly all the girl did was throw dirt at me and instantly my mom arranged a play date. Typical mom move, or not.

Standing up from my seat with slow footsteps i make my way to my bag at the door and retrive a single Rose flower.

Placing it at the bedside table filled with plenty flowers. Lexa hates Rose flowers which is why i got her one, a compliment for the day we had our first date.

Not having much time left, i placed my hand on her face like i always did before leaving. Though this time something felt foreign. My hand delicately moved over her cheeks, Jew, Chin till my thumb was hovering over her bottom lip.

Lips so dry but tinder, lips that I long for every night. I love this woman and each second that passes without seeing those stunning eyes am lost.

How would it feel to taste those lips once more. To feel their roughness against mine. Having to breathe in her aroma and curve the memory deep in me. 

Without any more setbacks, my lips ghost over hers before reaching the Gold crust. Not what I expected.

The kiss felt cold and distant, this is not my Lexa, it can't be, for I know every part of her.

Slowly I began to pull away, never did I expect in a million years to see this look right in front of me again. Confused Green eyes staring back at me, her eyes looked exhausted but there was no denying what I saw.

The same look she used to give me when I made a move on her or subtly flirted with her while Costia was still in the room and very present in her life.

It read displeasingly disappointed.

"Clarke?" Lexa whispered

Only reason am able to hear is beacuse am still in her personal space.

"Lexa..." I say it in that tone i know Lexa likes, hoping am wrong.

"Why.are you..*clears throat*..kissing me?" 

Guess am not wrong.

That was enough for me to pull away from her, calling the Doctor to give myself time to process this scenario .

Lexa closed her eyes for a second before opening them back up, taking in the room and then back at me. A furrow crossed her face as she stared at me.

Can't the Doctor and nurses arrive anytime soon and fast. All the sudden this room was too big for the two of us.

"Where is Costia?"

****

"Wow! Just, wow!" Raven exclaimed. "So she's lost half her memory."

"More like our relationship because she still recalls Echo." I pour myself more Wine and light a cigarette. "She thinks Costia is still her girlfriend."

Taking a pull, I feel a little relaxed. Ten years ago i completly stopped smoking. Lexa helped me during those times because quitting is not easy.

Desparate times calls for desparate measures.

"Oh let me not forget," stupid tears ran down my face. "Lexa, thinks she proposed to Costia...and she's sure about it"

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Come back next time for more.


End file.
